Tilt Spending and Looking Back

So yesterday I played 2 sets and decided to record the 3rd one. I had been feeling a bit better after finally making some progress on Monday as my bankroll was moving in the right direction again. But low and behold, 18 tabling $16s I click the replay hand history button and everything freezes and crashes. After some frantic force restart, I login to Pokerstars to find that everything had been reset to default! This had happened before, so I quickly looked for my user.ini file that I backed up to my external and loaded it, before saving maybe 3 or 4 sets.

This is the last time, I promised myself, and went online and bought another computer. Tilt shopping at its best!! Literally 12 hours later it arrived. So pronto!!

I got an Acer Revo desktop, mainly coz its cheap and super quiet, had lots of USB ports and its shizzly cool lol. I had my eye on this for a while but wasn't really sure on whether I should get it, I guess this was the confirmation. After all, the money I lost this month by sitting out Macbook Boot Camp XP crashing, pretty much is how much it cost.

I've actually been spending a lot of money this past month. It feels so weird to spend money actually, coz for a whole year, I've never really spent much money, and that has helped me to get to where I am today. My recent baller style shopping list is as follows;

- Acer Revo Desktop Computer
- Mac Keyboard
- 19 Inch (Not Widescreen) Monitor
- Ergonomic Chair... (I wanna buy a different one!)
- Holiday to Perth, Australia
- iPhone 4 (Frikkkkkkkin Awesome)
- Hold Em Manager
- Badass Trainers sold by some hot girl. Luckily afterwards I checked they were still badass lol.

In April 2009, I quit my job working in a dead end job as a bartender in London. I had been working there for about a year after my graduation. I was in debt, every month earning enough to stay at the same negative number. Placements were hard to get, and my passion for my subject dwindled too. I had enough. So I decided to move back home with my parents and stay there for a bit and work out what I wanted to do. So what did I wanna do?

Here was the list that I devised in true list form since that seems to be the theme of this blog;

1. Get outta debt.
2. Find a way of making some money, but only in your way. This includes NOT getting crappy bar/shop jobs that you could have gotten without your degree previously.
3. Travel.

Now that I for filled those criteria, its weird to reassess my directions again soon. But poker wise, its simple. Get Supernova, and keep making money. I'm nearly at 50k VPPs which is sick considering that I have been mainly playing only $6 Turbos.

My friend says that I always requestion myself with everything. I think that he's too egoistic and never thinks that he's wrong. If you look at both options its pretty easy to know which type of personality trait is gonna improve quicker. But change is hard, especially when ego is concerned.

If my ego is high when winning (I am right), then when I lose I will crash and burn (Everyone else is a donk and I'm unlucky as hell and there's nothing I can do).

Results for July have been pretty terrible so far. I started badly, took some time off and came back badly. But despite all that, and how bad I feel that I've been running, I'm only down $160 really, and its not *that* bad. One could say its horrible, because of my previous 2 month's results, but just because I had been winning there is no reason to always expect to win.

Maybe because I am not as desperate for the money as other STT Grinders out there, who have bills to pay and stuff, and that puts out a lot of pressure on them. I still have 3 days left, and I'm determined to get my numbers up so hopefully I'll put in some volume and things will turn around. No excuses now!